Boom Boom (Rated R)

Melanie pulled the shirttail out of her skirt and slowly unbuttoned her blouse to reveal a pair of perfect breasts restrained by a white Miracle bra from Victoria Secret.

Jack thought to himself, "Holy Shit! I'm actually gonna get to touch those bad boys." He put his hands on them and began to massage them.

Melanie cooed. "Take me, Jack. Take me right here and now."

Jack looked around. The only available supportive device was an ironing board standing a few feet away. In all his thirty odd years on the planet, he had never once done it on top an ironing board. He'd come close. One time, he and big-chested Suzi from the Video Arcade did it on a pool diving board. But never on an ironing board. That was uncharted territory. So, he scooped the blonde up, carried her over to the board and laid her gently on top of it.

Melanie stared at him. "You can't be fucking serious?"

Jack nodded as his hands steadied the teetering platform. "I'm climbing on board babe and gonna give you the ride of your life." He carefully manipulated his way on top of her, balancing himself as best he could. Jack knew the goddamn thing could go any moment, but he didn't care. Hell, it was the thrill of making it with Melanie on this ricketing old thing that was so enthralling.

Melanie made room for him and gently began to tug down her skirt. As Jack began to unbutton his own fly, he felt a tremor and then the whole thing collapsed, sending him and his next door neighbor to the floor with a loud crash! Melanie screamed in agony. "Why?! Why did I allow myself to be alone with you, you moron!" Her hands went to the back of her head. Tears flowed from her eyes.

Jack stood up. He quickly looked her over, checking to make sure it wasn't too serious. He suddenly remembered the image of Suzi being catapulted into the deck chairs after he had accidentally rolled off the diving board. He shook the image loose, grabbed Melanie's hand and gently eased her to a sitting position. He turned and pointed behind him. "There's a big screen t.v. over there. Think you can make it?"